Death of a spirit!

Death is the common phenomena for a living people. It is the eternal truth. Everyday people dies. Some dies physically and some dies spiritually. We feel sad when people dies. We mourn for them.

But we don’t feel any emotion for spiritual death. Because we actually don’t see the death of spirits. The number of people dies spiritually is higher than the number of people dies physically. Most of the time people don’t realize the death of own spirits.

What do you call a spiritually dead people? I think it would be either puppet or robot. Spiritually dead people are either controlled like a puppet or acts like a robot with pre-set actions. No, I think zombie would be perfect allies for a spiritually dead person. It watches everything, senses everything, doesn’t have cognitive ability, driven by desire to bite and infects a sound soul.

So why do people die spiritually? Some spirits die due to physical inability, some dies due to parents desire, some dies due to family and sociall pressure, some dies because of broken heart. Getting with the flow of life also kills some spirits. Everyone starts with high spirit. Spirits leads to many dreams. But with time people gets busy with life, becomes frustrated. Their spirit become weak and their dream become hazzy. At the end of the life, they just have some unfulfilled dream.

Unfortunately, I think my spirit is dying gradually and becoming aa robot. I am getting tied up with life, duties and responsibilities. I am getting busy with workload and forgetting the dreams of my life. I have fulfilled many of my dreams but I had to sacrifice some others. Some others dreams are still to be fulfilled. But I can feel that these dreams are fading away. It won’t be long before I become a zombie.

Gap between hands….

Many years ago Rabindranath Tagore wrote “এ অনন্ত চরাচরে স্বর্গমর্ত ছেয়ে/ সব চেয়ে পুরাতন কথা, সব চেয়ে/ গভীর ক্রন্দন — ‘যেতে নাহি দিব’। হায়, / তবু যেতে দিতে হয়, তবু চলে যায়।”
[English translation: In this eternal world including the heaven and earth/ The oldest saying, the deepest moan/ “Should not let you go”. Alas, /yet have to let go, yet have to leave]

Until recently I have not fully realized how powerful and meaningful these words are. But now I have realized this is the ultimate truth. In this world people make bond and acts like this bond will last forever. But the truth is it’s not.

By nature human beings are social. Human can’t leave alone. So they make bonds. Some bonds are made automatically like family members and relatives where as some bonds are developed intentionally or unintentionally. For example friends, classmates, soul mates colleagues. Nevertheless, all bonds are temporary. All bonds come to an end eventually. Some bonds last lifetime, some bond last few years and some bonds last few month.

This December of 2015 has been a traumatic month for me. The month started with shock! At first I had to let go someone very close to me. Someone I adored very much, someone I loved very much. I made a promise to never let that person leave. But I had to let go. Apparently, I was not it the position to keep my promise. There have been many variables and most of them totally different from my prediction. At the end, I was not able to keep my promise.

I was keeping my shock to myself. I tried to be strong. But my fate was full of bad news. On December 3rd, Wahid, another closest person to me, lost his father. We were having a chat just outside of my office. Suddenly he received a news that his father has been hospitalized. He left to attend his father as soon as possible. An hour later he called me with an urgency in his voice. He requested me to join him in the hospital. At first I was having a dilemma as I just entered in my office. But later I decided to leave as early as possible. I reached to the hospital at noon only to see his father is in critical condition. His blood pressure was going high in minutes and doctors were fighting hard to stabilize his blood pressure. His father had two heart attack and his heart was not functioning properly. Doctors tried different approaches and ultimately transferred to ICU. But all efforts went in vain and his father left us all.

It was a sudden shock to Wahid, his family members and to all of us. None of them suspected or predicted such incident. His father was fine in the morning and went to his office. He had tea and chitchat with his colleagues. Soon he started to feel pain in his chest. His colleagues tried massaging the chest and took him to the office infirmary. He was hospitalized when his condition deteriorated.

It was first tragic death I have witnessed. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to say my condolence to wahid and his family. Wahid mother lost scene hearing the news. Her condition became too unstable. I was worried seeing her condition. I knew how it feels after losing someone dearest but still it hearts more seeing a someone lost his/her father, seeing someone lost her husband.

It was good thing Wahis was able to hold himself strong and make his family members strong. Meanwhile I tried talking with his relatives and his father’s colleagues with things to do next. Fortunately they all were supportive and took care of things to be taken care off. They decided to complete the funereal at his native village. In the meantime Manik and our colleagues reached to the hospital. Manik and I decided to stay by Wahid side and accompany his family to Gafargaon, Mymension where their native village was. We attended the funereal and staying at Mymensing that night.

Manik and I returned to Dhaka on next morning. When we were on our way, I heard a news from Zico vai that Hasan vai, who is my first senior at A. Qasem and my one of closest senior bother, lost his father at the night before. It was a great shock to me. I tried to call him and say my condolences but I didn’t not. I lost my words.

Two days later I went to India for official purpose. When I returned to the country, I heard, Jasim vai one of my close colleague, lost his father. I was speechless. I was stunned. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. 3 of my colleagues lost their father and I lost one my dearest person. All in a week. I knew I was having a bad time.

We all had good and strong bond. We strongly held our hands. Thought of letting them go never crossed our mind. But it is the eternal truth that “yet have to let people go”. We had to let them go. Even though none actually wanted to go, we still had to let go others hands.  Eternal fate created a gap between our hands……

lifetime guilt!

I always wanted friends with whom I will be able to share everything. I will become a part of their family and they will become my family members. We always will look after another. Till now I thought I found that kind of friendship. Not actually I didn’t. I found a friendship where no one sees others back. No one wants to know what others are going through. Same goes for me. We are so much busy with our life that we don’t have time for others. We don’t have time for our social obligations. we don’t have time by the side of others.

My sentences might seem hard but that’s the reality now. On August 24, one of my friend’s sister died. She was sick for a very long time. We didn’t give her a visit. My friend left Bangladesh for almost 5 years. Most of us didn’t even communicate with his family after his departure. Well, at least I didn’t. Few years back, my friend asked for our help to arrange a fundraiser program for sister’s treatment. At that moment we all were busy and couldn’t help my friend or his family.  After my friend’s sister died, my friend wanted to return Bangladesh and attend her funeral. He asked financial help from everyone through a Facebook status. I wanted to help him so much. So I called all 5/6 friends who were in Bangladesh. But at the end it wasn’t possible for us to arrange the money to buy his air ticket. I was feeling guilty for not being any help to him.

Today my friend let me know her sister’s funeral. I wanted to attend this at least for the social obligation. I called almost everyone to attend the funeral. But everyone was busy. Finally only one of our friend attended the funeral. I, too, got busy with auditing at the last moment and couldn’t attend the funeral. I was helpless. I am in a such profession where personal matters are required to put aside. In this profession, there are some times where you can’t leave your work even if your close one is in deathbed. in short I couldn’t leave my work. I hope all others will attend the event.

I was shocked when I heard that only one attended the event.  Then I felt the greatest guilt. We are so busy that we can’t attend a funeral of our close one. I know we all have limitation from our sides. I know we are not wealthy. I know we are so busy with our work. But maybe just maybe, if we tried a bit we might arrange a plane ticket for our friend so that he could attend her sister’s funeral. May be if we tried hardly, we could attend the funeral. This is the guilt I have to bear my entire life. Under the current condition, it seems none of my friend will attend my funeral if I die now. Everyone will be busy with their life. It seems. we have failed to make a strong friendship. We have failed to become a member of others family. We have failed to fulfill our duty as a friend. I believe we are just acquaintances who call ourselves friends.

Sorry sister, I couldn’t attend your funeral. But pray to almighty to arrange the highest jannat (heaven) for you. Innalillahe Wainnalillahe Rajiun (for sure, we have come from you and we will return to you). May your soul rest in peace and your grave become a piece of heaven. Amin!

Old Blog 27: Death: End or Beginning of life

It was back in January 2009. Me and My family was having a very bad time. Bad time because we were losing some familiar faces. We got about 15 different death news in closest possible time. With a tensed mind I wrote this Blog. As I was an active blogger in Prothom-aloblog, I posted it there. Luckily we didn’t get any death news in another 6/7 months. I totally forgot about this post. But recent incidents like Building collapse at Begunbari and Fire ar Puran dhaka remind me of this post.  The post is given as it was first posted except little update for re-posting it here).

“Few days back I got almost 15 death news. All of them was from my and friends’ family. All news was coming right one after one. It made me feel horrible. I was thinking who will be the next person going to die? But it also made me wonder if death is really the end of life?

Generally if you see, you will find that death is the end of life. Yeah that’s a great true. But in some case it’s not true. I guess my words are becoming contradictory. But as I’m trying to find the true meaning of death, I have consider both. Well, Islam says that you will be given life once again in justice day. You will be punished or rewarded according to performance in this world. Islam also says that you will have an immortal life after you die. That means you will not die anymore. So you can see that after death you will be alive once again and will have an immortal life.

Again you will see that Hindu religion says, after your death you will be sent  back to this world once again. If you work for good in your first life, second time your life will be much more smooth. But if do wrong in first life, you will led a miserable life in second one. So you can see it also tries to show that death is not an end to life.

If picture is the only way to capture time than I’ll say death is the only way to capture your age. You see when a person dies, everyone remembers him exactly at the age when he died. Others grow older but he remains at his death age. I think you all know about Peter Pan. Peter was a real person though it wasn’t his actual name. After many years of his death, his brother or someone from his family found out that Peter is living in there mind and not  growing older. He is living at the age he died. Than he created the character Peter Pan who never grew older and live in everyone’s mind.

So if people remember you after death you will be not only immortal but also in constant age. But if they don’t remember you, you will be history. But still it doesn’t mean that it has come to an end. You will survive in a history that will be looked by none. Only problem is that you will grow older and nobody will remember you.

If you see you will find that people believes that when a person dies, he become a ghost or a shinning star in sky. They keep coming again and again to this world. Again death is not an end.

Now I believe that death is not an end to life. It’s just a transformation process. Transformation to a greater life. It’s beginning to a new life; a life that will never end. But question arises, “why people fears death?”

Well, not everyone fears death. They take it as certain part of life.  They are heroes and they are ready to sacrifice their life for others.  Then why others fear death? It’s because people always fear that what is unknown. You  will see nobody exactly knows what will happen after death (not in spiritual scene. every religion tells you about afterlife).

No living organism have the experience of death before dying . When you will get the experience, you can’t tell others. According to my thought, people fears death as the experience of death is still a mystery.”

So what is death? end or beginning of another life? well, the answer depends how you see it. If you are thinking spiritually & philosophically, then there is no end of life. Death is a transformation process to a new & immortal life.  But if you are thinking realistically, then death is the end of life. But it is also a transformation process. After your death when you will be buried, you will be transformed into soil.

Still feeling sorry for the people died in the fire at Puran Dhaka and the people who are alive with burned body. Govt. said approx 120 people died. But according to local people, the number of people died is close to 200

(source : Bashir Hussain, Faculty, school of business, North South University). May Allah  place their departed soul in Haven. Amen