lifetime guilt!

I always wanted friends with whom I will be able to share everything. I will become a part of their family and they will become my family members. We always will look after another. Till now I thought I found that kind of friendship. Not actually I didn’t. I found a friendship where no one sees others back. No one wants to know what others are going through. Same goes for me. We are so much busy with our life that we don’t have time for others. We don’t have time for our social obligations. we don’t have time by the side of others.

My sentences might seem hard but that’s the reality now. On August 24, one of my friend’s sister died. She was sick for a very long time. We didn’t give her a visit. My friend left Bangladesh for almost 5 years. Most of us didn’t even communicate with his family after his departure. Well, at least I didn’t. Few years back, my friend asked for our help to arrange a fundraiser program for sister’s treatment. At that moment we all were busy and couldn’t help my friend or his family.  After my friend’s sister died, my friend wanted to return Bangladesh and attend her funeral. He asked financial help from everyone through a Facebook status. I wanted to help him so much. So I called all 5/6 friends who were in Bangladesh. But at the end it wasn’t possible for us to arrange the money to buy his air ticket. I was feeling guilty for not being any help to him.

Today my friend let me know her sister’s funeral. I wanted to attend this at least for the social obligation. I called almost everyone to attend the funeral. But everyone was busy. Finally only one of our friend attended the funeral. I, too, got busy with auditing at the last moment and couldn’t attend the funeral. I was helpless. I am in a such profession where personal matters are required to put aside. In this profession, there are some times where you can’t leave your work even if your close one is in deathbed. in short I couldn’t leave my work. I hope all others will attend the event.

I was shocked when I heard that only one attended the event.  Then I felt the greatest guilt. We are so busy that we can’t attend a funeral of our close one. I know we all have limitation from our sides. I know we are not wealthy. I know we are so busy with our work. But maybe just maybe, if we tried a bit we might arrange a plane ticket for our friend so that he could attend her sister’s funeral. May be if we tried hardly, we could attend the funeral. This is the guilt I have to bear my entire life. Under the current condition, it seems none of my friend will attend my funeral if I die now. Everyone will be busy with their life. It seems. we have failed to make a strong friendship. We have failed to become a member of others family. We have failed to fulfill our duty as a friend. I believe we are just acquaintances who call ourselves friends.

Sorry sister, I couldn’t attend your funeral. But pray to almighty to arrange the highest jannat (heaven) for you. Innalillahe Wainnalillahe Rajiun (for sure, we have come from you and we will return to you). May your soul rest in peace and your grave become a piece of heaven. Amin!

Bad day! good day!!

It was the first day of April. I got up early in the morning only to hear a bad news. To be exact, it was 5:20 in the morning. My father woke me up and told me that my aunt ( elder sister of my father) have passed away few hours earlier. Several hours earlier we were informed that her condition was not good she might not make it till midnight. I didn’t know what to say. So I remained quiet and prayed for her departed soul.

My father told me to prepare myself to leave for Chandpur to attend the burial. He also told me that we will be leaving in an hour. Although I was scheduled to leave for university an hours later, I had to make a change for this incident. I prepared myself in next 30 minutes. We were supposed to travel with my uncles who will also attend the burial. Later we decided to go by ourselves. Because of the that decision my mom wanted to go with us. We set out by 6:15am leaving my sister and young nieces alone at home.

By 10:30 am in the morning we reached to Chandpur and by 11am we reached to our destination. However my uncles didn’t reach till then. I entered inside the house and saw my my aunt for one last time. Later I came to know that her burial was scheduled right after the Zohor prayer and all the preparation is complete. I met with my uncle and said my condolences. I really felt sorry for his loss. But I was more sorry watching his condition. He was just like a broken man.

By 1 pm everyone was present including my uncles. Then we went to say Zohor prayer. After the prayer, everyone attended the “namaj-e-janaza” to pray for her soul. The we attended the burial and once again prayed for her.

When I was attending my aunt’s burial, I got a phone call from unknown number. However I didn’t pick it up. After the burial, I tried to call that number several time but the number was busy. After an hour later, that number called me again. This time picked it up and asked who was it. Person in the other side told me that he is a HR officer of a bank of which I attended a written test several months ago. The HR officer said that an interview had been scheduled for me in the next morning. He gave me the address of head office of the bank and told me to be there right at 11 am. I confirmed that I will be there.

I was little surprised for getting the call. I knew that I wasn’t selected for the position for which I appeared in the exam. They have recruited for the position 2 months earlier.

Later I visited our own house and stayed there for a while. I was little tired from this journey. So I tried to take a quick nap. I was almost asleep when I got another phone call. I picked it up only to know that I was asked to join in the Chartered Accountant Firm in the next morning. I was waiting for this call for 5/6 months. I became very excited. Problem was I was asked to join in at 9:30. I knew it would be hard for me to join at 9:30 in the next morning. So I told them that I will be there by 10 as I am not in the city.

In the evening we went to my grandpa’s (mother’s father) house. we stayed there till 9 pm. In the mean time I roam around my old town to see how it have changed while I was away. I was little but shocked when I found that I couldn’t recognize most to the roads and places. Well it has been 10 years since I left this town. I became nostalgic.

I started for Dhaka at 9 pm and safely reached home in the very early morning in the next day. And by 10 am I joined in the CA firm ignoring the offer for interview at the bank. And that’s another story.

I was wondering how was the first day of April. Day and the month started with a very bad news. On the other hand first day ended with two good news. I think it would be a bad day. Because I had to bid farewell to my aunt for the last time. I know I would get lots of calls later. Though it would take some time. But they will come many times as long as I am alive.

Waiting for your bright future…..

16th December of 1971. This was the day when you were born. It has been 40 years of your Birth. You were surrounded by death and blood when you were born. So much blood and so many lives had to  sacrifice to ensure your birth….to make you free….After fighting 9 months of war and enduring so much pain, our heroes were able to make you free. And the world learned the name ‘BANGLADESH‘ of a newborn country. Everyone knows what happened next.

Over these 40 years, lots of things happened to you.  We made you proud and yet we made you feel ashamed. You achieved so much and again you lost many things too. The most valuable thing you lost is your heroes. Heroes who saved you. Because they loved you more than their life. I am not telling people don’t love you. They do but no one loves or ever loved you like those heroes loved you.

It is said that one generation hands over the treasures to next generation. But our ancestor didn’t. They didn’t had over the heroes. That is why heroes are rare in our generation. Without heroes you couldn’t reach the destination where were supposed to be right now. Heroes who you have now are locked in darkness. Thy are not able to break through and rescue you.

You may become 40. That doesn’t mean you become older. You are still growing. Last 40 years might not go well. But it doesn’t mean your future is dark. your just need a hero. May be heroes whom we have will break through the darkness and come to rescue you. Or may be new hero will come to you. Will lead you to a bright future.

Happy Birthday Bangladesh.I am waiting for that day. The day when you will be glorified and respected by all.

have a safe journey!

Eid-ul-Fitr is knocking at the door. Just couple of days to go. People are leaving town for their native village through highways, railways and water ways. Bus stations & rail stations are crowded than ever. Launches and Steamers are full of passengers.

Journey right now is a great hassle. But yet people are ready to go through the hassle just to celebrate the Eid with friends, family and relatives. Eid is a day of joy. The day become more enjoyable when celebrated with family. It is great memory to go to the eid prayer wearing new dresses and holding father’s or son’s hand. Again it feels great to see happy faces around you.

But it is not the case for everyone. In every eid, at least one or two major accidents takes place.  Eid become a life time tragedy for the families who looses their members in those major mishaps. Even so people are still careless about the safety of their journey.

The rate of accidents have increased in last few weeks. Huge number of people have started to move out from the city before any safety measure is taken to stop accidents. Now self-awareness is the most important factor to ensure personal safety.

Many of my friends are moving out too. I’m requesting them and all other people to be careful in the journey and take safety measures if possible. I hope this eid will not turn into a tragedy for anyone. My friends, have a safe journey and enjoy the Eid with friends and family. I will see you after the eid. Till then stay well and take care. 🙂

Redwan

Love you, mom!

Dear Mom,

I know I always has been a bad child. I don’t listen to you, don’t do what you want me to do. I disobeyed your every word. From the very moment of my birth, I got into your bone. I never gave you a chance to leave me alone for a minute. I kept crying until and unless you take care of me.

Mom, I always liked to prefer my way instead of your suggestion & advice. I always come home late without informing you. I keep you waiting for me with dinner until I come home. I hang out with friends instead of giving you some time.

Mom, do you remember forcing me to study? You wanted me to study hard. but what I used to do? I used to sleep. You wanted me to sleep in the afternoon for a while. But I always prefer to play in that time.  I like to stay awake till late night. And you keep yelling trying to send me to bed. Some time that works and some time doesn’t.

I make you irritated every moment when I’m at home. I never make my bed. You do that for me. I keep my room in total mess. You take your time to clean the mess. I keep poking you about different things even though I’m fully aware of it. Because I love to irritate you.

But even after that you take care of me. I saw you had sleepless night when I was in trouble. You try every possible way to pull me out of the trouble.  You manage father when I do something wrong. You spend sleepless night when I’m sick. You really care for a spoiled child like me.

Mom, I don’t know if you know how much I love you. I am grateful to you for having me. I am grateful to you for being my mom. Mom, I irritate you because i love to see someone care for me. I irritate you because that’s how I express my love for you. Unfortunately, you will not read this letter (because I won’t show you). Even I will not say I love you. Because, mom, I know you too can feel my love. And you know that my love for you is not just  for today. My love is for every moments of life. Thank you mom, thank you for everything….

Your
Disobedient child